Chani said this week was going to be filled with hard realizations. Things we didn’t want to admit, even to ourselves.
“This relationship is part of a pattern that’s been playing out in your life since the beginning.”
Take a step back and look…
She used me.
Intentional or not, she used me to fill a need and when something better or easier came along, she bailed in one of the most hurtful ways possible. It was so apparent when I looked back at our conversations. The second that “asshole” appeared in the picture, everything changed. Messages that once held “I love yous” turned to “I know you’d like to see me and I told you I’m unavailable.” Hadn’t you used my presence to do the exact same thing to your wife? She even told you, “As soon as Andrew came back into the picture, I knew it was over”.
I can’t believe I didn’t see how orchestrated it was and how much I was just a means to an end.
What’s harder to admit is that she’s done it before; it’s her M.O.
She contacts me when things aren’t going well, or let’s face it, when she’s not satisfied, because she knows I’ve always been able to give her what she wanted. She pulls me in and I play my part perfectly because I think it’s real.
You’re one of the only people who have known me on such a deep and intimate level in this lifetime. The things we shared felt like so much more than a simple means to an end. We felt like we were born to make babies together, at least I thought we did. My brain has difficulty reconciling what I thought was our shared love and your cruel behavior toward me, but I’m getting there. I have to believe not what you told me, but what you did. When people show you who they are, believe them.
I will stand tall and continue to heal the wounds your despicable words and actions caused to this kind, sensitive, caring person who deserves someone much better than you.