Though I did not come to the pub and write last night, I drove past the pub and ultimately decided against being out in the actively pouring rain. It felt cold and rainy and dreary, so my body does what any human would, I fall into habits, because that is what’s familiar. I ended up driving to KPP to park/smoke/vibe to music. I like that park and visit multiple times a week. During the warmer and sunnier months it’s a great way to kill time otherwise spent in traffic waiting to get over the bridge. Other times I end up there consumed by cycles of negative self-focused behavior. The perpetual search for dopamine through whatever form is available right that moment. Scrolling on Reddit or Tiktok, drugs, sex, daydreaming for so long I “come to” an hour later. I got sucked into the loop of those DSB (oooh Dopamine-Seeking-Behaviors) until it was dark outside. I managed to stop long enough to make a plan and head for TJ’s before going home. My basket filled with veggies, staples and good intentions I headed for home. *sigh* DSB reared their conjoined heads and led to a night of smoking and jerking off, only heating up my butternut squash mac ‘n cheese around midnight.
I was up and down most of the early morning at the request of my bladder, and was surprised to wake up at 8am feeling rested. I spent the late morning doing my usual Saturday dispensary run and swung by the office to drop off some things. I came to the pub and miraculously found the bar open and waiting for me to pull up a stool. I’m trying my best to engraine this habit of “journaling” every day because I know it will help me achieve my ultimate goal of writing my story.
It’s been 20 years since I last had a habit of trying to maintain a daily journal. Perhaps not during that actual time, but now I realize the true value of the journaling process and how it provides a release of the day in my body. It lets me re-read my thoughts and allows me to reflect on them and understand why those things were occurring and how I can take that knowledge and apply it to future situations
OMG Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup just arrived!!!!