I’ve always needed more time to transition from thing to thing. It’s a pattern we finally noticed in 2020, and it’s been helpful to be able to name these cluster of reactions when they start popping up and focus on giving myself more time to get used to the new situation.
Obviously this website has suffered from my lack of focus, as much has changed since my last update. I’m going to give myself a break because I’ve been dealing with A LOT right now.
Let me try to recount the last days of the trip.
Departed Fort Collins and heading for Wyoming was the start of the second half. I made it into Wyoming and got stuck, again by weather. A May snowstorm, followed by winds so severe I couldn’t even leave the truck stop. I drove into Cheyenne on May 18th at 4pm and didn’t get into Utah until after 8pm on May 21st. It was really only two extra days, but it felt like a week. I didn’t expect to have such an emotional reaction to being stuck in Laramie.
Laramie, WY is where Matthew Shepard was beaten, tortured, and left to die in 1998. I was a sophomore in high school, trying to figure out who I was. All I knew was that I was attracted to my female friends and that meant gay. Matthew Shepard was killed because he was gay. In the late 00s I had a chance to volunteer at an event where Judy Shepard (Matthew’s mother) was speaking. I shook that woman’s hand and looked her in the eye. Anytime I saw a sign that said Laramie while I was stuck, my brain flashed to that woman’s face, and the lovely shade of purple she wore for LGBTQ+ spirit day when we met, quickly followed by an image of what he must have endured. Feeling stuck there was heavy for me emotionally, and when I finally left on the 21st, it felt like a weight was lifted.
Utah was a quick stop through, and by the 22nd I was in Idaho. (Shout out to Dean who’s the only person I know from Idaho) This was the state that contained the place I really wanted to stop. Blue Heart Springs was a tropical little cove of paradise that’s only accessible by kayak and ever since I saw the blue water, I wanted to go. I kept checking availability online and managed to get a camping reservation at Banbury Hot Springs which is right on the Snake River and the access point to get to Blue Heart Springs. This was by far, the best part of the trip. I got into the campground, got set up, and was on the river by 1pm. It was exactly like the pictures, and in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, almost completely empty. (btw-working on a photo gallery for the site so I can upload all of them) I had booked a private hot spring pool for an hour and a half later that evening, and it was the most relaxing night of the trip by far.
I got up the next day and took stock of everything. I looked at the trip so far, and what I had left and said fuck it, I can visit Oregon when I live here. It’s been 1,056 days and I’m so close, I need to be there. I made it from Idaho to Pendleton, OR on a marathon 7hr driving day with the intention to make it to Portland on Thursday late afternoon. By the time I pulled up to the park at 5:15, it was raining, I was anxious from the hills EVERYWHERE, and hadn’t eaten. As soon as I saw Kate and Annie, I felt like I could breathe again. The evening on a blanket under a tree, playing with Annie’s new toy that I had bought her 9 months ago, and reconnecting felt incredible after the whole trip. I had arranged a hotel for Friday, so I had a place to stay the next night, but not for that night. Herein lies the huge problem that almost defeated me for a week.
I had planned on sleeping in my car when I got here, not as much as I did ON THE TRIP but anyway, yes I planned on this. However, I never could have thought that I wouldn’t be able to find a place to park overnight. Every lot for every store is private and surrounded by security signs if not actively patrolled by a security guard. I know this because I’ve gotten told off a few times and made to leave places I had parked. Things got pretty dark during this week. I’m homeless (although the better term is unhoused), living in my car, unable to cook because I can’t use a propane stove in a vehicle, unshowered and coming up on my shot time which means my emotionality is at an all time high. I spent another night at a hotel, which was way too expensive, but I felt like I had no choice at that point, and I needed to feel safe. I slept on and off when I could find parking. Mostly on residential streets, but you have to read the signs so closely! I could feel myself going off the rails and would have a hard time getting it back if I didn’t find someplace that I could go for a few days to get my shit in order, get clean, get a good night’s sleep in a bed, and sit down to figure out what kind of housing I could get/need. I randomly googled and found this place Lolo Pass, which is like a boutique hostel. I knew a hostel would be my best option as it’s only open to travelers and prices are significantly lower per night, so I booked for the weekend.
Now we enter into figuring out how to actually live here!
more to come…