Now that I am a day out from the test night, I’ve made some decisions.
I’m not pushing myself to leave by Wednesday. I was trying so hard to get to Portland before Kate’s birthday, but after some tough conversation last night, I realize that can’t be my timeline.
I need to do this on my own and have flexibility.
I could breathe a lot better last night.
If I’m honest, I’m also feeling a small sense of disappointment. When you’ve had pictures in your head of how things might go, and it changes, I think it’s inevitable. I’m confident that I can roll with it, because I have built myself into a stronger person who doesn’t just push things down. I can acknowledge the disappointment I feel, sit with it to understand why I have that feeling, and move on to building a new picture in my head. One that is based on the current needs of everyone in the picture.
-A