The route is set, and the campgrounds are selected. I’ve built in some multiple day stops.
All I can think about right now is getting there before or on May 16th.
If that’s the case, I need to leave in 20 days. I have no idea if that’s enough time to do what I need to do, and see all the people I want to see.
Doing each new step of planning and preparation is exhausting. It took me a total of 4 days to get this route map done because I kept running into roadblocks that frustrated me.
I can’t tell you how hard it is to have goals, tasks to do, things you WANT to do…and still not be able to start doing them.
I’ll find myself sitting in a chair, staring blankly past anything that’s in front of me, eyes glassy and unfocused. The sentence on repeat blaring in my head,
“Just get up and do the thing, it’s sitting right there. You like this thing! This needs to get done so you can leave and you know you want that. Get up and get moving!”
I’ll look up at the clock and an hour has passed. The clouds have shifted and the sky isn’t sunny anymore, just grey. Now I’ve gone “meta” and am thinking about what I’m thinking about and how to change it so I can try to get things done.
This internal struggle is real, it’s energy-draining, and it looks like I’m doing absolutely nothing on the outside.
I look at the calendar and it’s day 6. Not yet, but soon enough that it’s always in the back of my mind when a twinge comes.
I know I’m good in a sprint to the finish, always have been. But when I’m the one planning the finish, it seems insurmountable.
-A