Perfectionism is always something I’ve struggled with. (In fact, I typed that sentence, didn’t like it, and stopped writing for 30 minutes because I didn’t know how to fix it)
I’m struggling with updating the site with posts on a consistent basis, and I’m making myself feel guilty about it. I could say that it’s because I have a million things going on, but I know I have the time, I’m just not physically doing it. I have ideas flowing through my head constantly about posts to write, or features to add, so it’s not a lack of content. I really think it’s just about getting into the habit of writing.
I want this website to be so much more than just a blog of my experiences. I have so many thoughts and opinions I’ve never gotten to express in my life, and from what I believe is a truly unique perspective. I think the time is perfect for a voice like mine and I want to be a part of the conversation on these topics. Not just my transition, or a cross country move; it’s about the bigger things. It’s about social justice, and Black Lives Matter, MeToo, Capitalism and the fucking patriarchy.
I have turned into the thing that I’ve always seemed to have issues with – a straight, white, middle-aged man.
The thing is, I don’t see myself as a part of that cohort. I feel like I can see through these people for what they really are, and I’m not the only one. Old white men, doing whatever they can to stay rich, and control or dispose of others that don’t agree with them. I admit that I’m willing to have my mind opened and challenged regarding these beliefs, as I don’t believe a mind closed to other points of view is one that is capable of learning, but I doubt it will be one of any mind changing significance. I believe this could be the start of a serious shift in the consciousness of society at large and I’m excited to see where it goes.
I am learning to do the very hard task of being able to hold opposing ideas in my mind, and see that they can both be true. Life is not black and white, it’s shades of gray.
I will be kind to myself about the lack of consistent posting, but I will also try to make an improvement by adding post time to my morning routine.
Hopefully we’ll see each other tomorrow
-A